The HTT said yesterday they are on their way to discharging me, which means I must be making great progress, I put this progress down to every member of the team who have been so supportive even when at first I was a bit afraid of them, not that they have not been kind, I've never met nice r mental health professionals, they listened, gave me ideas and space to even think of the future.
I've been thinking a lot about that andirons realise the pen really is in my hand for the future. I'm waiting on the Leisure Centre to contact me as with the teams suggestions, one was joining the gym to help. I'm under no illusions it will be so hard with the weight I am, the lack of local exercise and my back pain. But I want to do this. A friend said today she would come with me for the first few times and that's so kind. I've ordered kit online as I wouldn't want to exercise in my jeans!!
I'm thinking about a course or two, maybe even three but can't seem to find the Braintree college website. The last time I went many many years ago I spent one night listening to 17 year old who'd
failed their GCSE's but thought too highly of themselves. They decided we'd do Shakespeare and that
was enough for me to bolt. So I AINT (meant that) going for English. I AINT!! LOL!
If anyone knows of any courses such as cookery or sign language in Braintree please get in touch.
I've found a happy medium between feeling too happy (for a lot of people "too happy" has God connotations) and too low. Like Billy Joel says "I don't know how long this feeling will last" but once all I've ordered has arrived I will be back out, in a better place and smiling as I'm doing in my flat.
I know the HTT have read my blog sometimes, so I hope you get to read this and see my happiness is genuine because of you and the doctor. I'm already being a better person, I'm still in contact with Cassandra who is as sweet as ever. My other sweet friend, Charlotte, must be in a bad place so I'm afraid I won't be seeing her anytime soon. Mum says she can see a great difference in me, I smile, I say I love you, I'm thinking of the rain that I will feel first hand soon, and I'll be glad to be in it.
I'm going to live purposefully, try hard not to give up when someone is bad towards me, and live. Soon enough the song Wild Child will be up at long last.
I hope my friends read this and see the change in me, same goes for anyone (I still consider anyone to
be a friend) will see a good change where there is hope, and anyone else who stays in all the time might venture out even if it's for 5 mins and feel nature. We can do this, you and I, get better and better each day with the help from mental health teams and a psychiatrist who cares and the meds that are right for us. Personally I find the Duloxetine or the Quetiapine leave me with a bad taste in my mouth similar to beer. But I'll take that any day over how I've felt for months.
Don't quit, anyone, everyone, we are the strongest of them all because we've been through it, or are still there but life should be great for all of us. We don't deserve that any less than anyone who seems to have it all.
Feel the rain on your skin and be thankful for it.
Love and hugs to anyone reading, Lizzie xxxx