Sunday, 3 July 2016

Slowly learning that life is ok



The Home Treatment Team (HTT from The Lakes MHU) have been visiting me everyday. It's been good so far, being able to talk out my feelings etc, and they want to implement things that will help me. The main thing is that they are going to contact my GP so that I could get on the project to get a free gym membership for me. I had to say I couldn't cope with any of this Biggest Loser stuff lol, I think I know my limitations but being in the gym going through what those contestants go though would be enough to kill me! They were quick to say it would be nothing like that and everything would be tailored to what I can do, then improve as I go along. 
I've wanted to go to the gym after I made two friends who go there. I've never felt the impetus to before, and I still believe I will look out of place as the token fatty surrounded by slim people. Now I'm hoping once I've done it for a while a buff man might notice me lol. 
They are also going to speak to my CPN about what else can help, but said this is something we all have to work together on, so I can't allow myself to back out on everything. If people are willing to help I must take it, must as in I want to.
This week w lovely lady sent me some beautiful wool she makes and I'll be adding a link to her Facebook Page soon. Then today, a most wonderful lady came with a trolley full of yarns and my heart was full of such love. How kind people are, you know i never realised exactly how kind people can be until very recently. I've always felt somewhat unworthy of anyone's time, anyone's love, anyone's friendship. And I'm now waiting for a book to arrive about confidence then I shall be out more often. mainly, Cassandra has been helping me out with this, her own techniques could sound like nothing to anyone who doesn't understand agoraphobia. But to me, they are vital! She's such a love for life despite recent events and some that are ongoing. She read my letter today, and what she said about it made me so happy! She says I'm intelligent! So this song I dedicate to her and our 
friendship.




And this song is how I'm feeling now, I'm looking at the big sky again!!


You know, one day I will be free of this, the burdens, the troubled girl, the fears and my depression, it all has to go at some point so I can live!!
I think we can do what we can do but with different circumstances. My mood changes all the time but if I can change my mood, or medication, maybe , just maybe I can change my circumstances.
Now it's time for me to read Battlefield Of The Mind! 
I hope today that whoever is reading is happy, or that circumstances will change for the better for you, too.
I'm sending you cyber hugs!!!
Love, Lizzie xxxx

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