Tuesday, 24 May 2016

These little earthquakes







The past few years I've suffered from little earthquakes. Not only the head kind but what I thought was the physical kind, too.
Let me try to explain. I'd have these tremors and earthquakes that I can physically feel, yet as I look at my body, it's not moving, nor are my surroundings. I assumed as someone once said recently, that it was vertigo. I went to the doctors last year and maybe the year before about them but things didn't get discussed in detail as I have ongoing problems such as diabetes and constant back pain.
Well I had food poisoning recently, and now huge migraines and fever so thought I'd bite the bullet yesterday to see a GP about these "earthquakes". Immediately this doctor knew what it was and what I hadn't expected at all. It's not a physical problem, but yet another mental health problem.
Does anyone else suffer from tremors that aren't real btw? Please let me know.
So I've assumed all this time it was physical, yet, as it turns out, my friends that know me well and even my mother knew this was mental. 
But to me, like the voices, they are real. Like the intense fear that washes over me on occasions that doom awaits me, like the thoughts of self harm that can consume me until I go to bed after taking a few too many pills just to make my brain defrag.
I don't recall ever experiencing things like creepy crawlies on me, so hadn't expected theses earthquakes to be mental. 
Is it to do with my bipolar or schizoaffective disorder?
But the doctor I saw, like I said, asked straight away if I'd contacted the mental health team about them, and my jaw hit the floor. I know I couldn't make sense of feeling actual earthquakes but nothing around me including myself moving.
I was so afraid of telling my mother "here's another thing wrong with my head" I felt like a failure but my mum was just relieved I was given by the wonderful GP
Gave me a self referral form for fast tracked therapy. As for my lithium test, it wasn't "satisfactory" at all, my psychiatrist (who the doctor was kind enough to call ) says it's borderline so I am to have another lithium test to confirm it and hopefully more lithium. Although he says the lithium is not what's causing these tremors, so what is, exactly? I've never heard of anyone experiencing earthquakes that aren't there. I'm more used to the earthquakes one gets with bad news etc. Those little earthquakes.
But I'm thankful that things might be sorted out soon, and I pray these things I feel. These real (certainly real to me) earthquakes leave soon. Thank you to our local Surgery for being so wonderful.
All the best to you all,
Lizzie xxx

6 comments:

  1. Lizzie my love. The mind is just another body part that can have things wrong with it! The brain has the same chances as a kidney or heart to get something wrong with it. Just as you could have a broken leg, then your mind can malfunction too! You are just a normal person and hopefully one day will become at ease with all of your symptoms :)

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    1. Thanks sweet Becky, I was fooling myself thinking it was physical, hope they stop soon but I guess if it wasn't for them I might not be getting Quaker therapy so I'm gonna look on the bright side after your reply - thank you so much!!! Xxx

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  2. Goodness, I've known people who are bi-polar and schizophrenic....I've never heard of any of his happening. But fear not, we all are different, therefore our ailments may vary also. Just get the proper help and you'll be fine. Stay strong. Light and love!

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  3. My heart breaks reading this. Please don't do any self-harm......you are put here for a reason and your life, though flawed it may be, is a gift. There is not one person who doesn't have doubts and questions. Just be open with those you love and your doctors and accept their help. There's no shame in it whatsoever. I'll keep you in my prayers and send blessings your way.

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  4. Stay strong Lizzie. You are a special being and are meant to be here. Have faith that all will work out. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

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  5. I have family who suffer from invisible illnesses also, and its truly heartbreaking. And for the ones that have chronic pain....but look fine on the outside. I get so mad at people who are so quick to make judgements. Stay strong Liz. And there is absolutely nothing with wrong with going to see a therapist.

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