Sunday, 26 June 2011

Why

Well firstly I spend all night in agony worrying about going back to church.  Then I get there and after the singing I begin to feel 'out of it'.  Helen and Sheila take me home but on the way I noticed something that makes me shy away from people:
I couldn't talk.
I mean, I could only just participate in small talk if someone asks me a question, but as for talking, nope, I couldn't do it.
I'm stupidly embarressed to chat to people I know well and that wouldn't harm me. They must think I am either thick or snobbish.  I'd like to think I am neither. 
I had huge self harm ideas today, huge.
As soon as church is over, it's tea break time.  And that's when trouble really begins! 

I've decided I am no going back to church, I shall pray on my own, where I feel less pressure, and where I can save myself the embarressment of never knowing what to say.
Lizzie.

4 comments:

  1. Hi Lizzy, After our conversation just now here are the scriptures to look at.! Corinthians 12 v 12 to 30 explains about the body of Christ. If you have any questions please ask me.
    We often see ourselves in our own little corner of a small planet, in an insignificant corner of space,our feelings shattered and no self worth! Well look at it through the eyes of someone who went to the moon, Colonel James Irwin." If earth is that small, how small an I? Just a speck in this great universe.But significant enough that God would create me, love me and touch my life" Bearing in mind those words it goes further, He sent His Son Jesus to die on that cross that we might have a hope and a future.
    That's how greatly loved and important you are!And you are important to me too,
    With love Jenny x

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  2. I often can't think of anything to say either - believe it or not! - but it depends what mood I'm in. Usually on a Sunday morning I am half asleep so I am surprised anyone gets any sense out of me at all! Actually, I thought you talked quite a lot in the car - and I certainly don't think you are thick OR snobbish.
    It's very difficult to be a Christian on your own, because it's like coals on the fire. You need others to help you keep burning brightly. You're doing great, Lizzie. Please don't stop coming to church. Maybe one day you'd even like to come to house group with me and Helen, at my house. You'd be welcome. Take care my friend xxx

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  3. You had a good week, Lizzie? I hope so. God bless xx

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  4. An ok week thanks, Sheila! Firstly I had diabetic eye test...they have stopped giving the numbing eye drops now! If I had known beforehand I would never have done it, boy did it sting! Then I had dentist appointmet for 2 fillings. Ended up getting 4 injections and a bruise on my face lol.
    Hows you my friend? x x x

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