Here it is. I have to come clean. I am not a good christian. I wish I was!
I am a sinner and a fraud.
I have no self belief. I have gone from being scared of living to being scared of dying...and a christian should shouldn't be scared of meeting the Lord when the time comes.
I swear. I smoke. I have an addictive personality and I although I no longer abuse painkillers I am still tempted by them. I like horror movies. I find it difficult to read the Bible as I find it so very hard to understand that I always give up. I don't believe gays won't get into Heaven. I hallucinate and am hyper sensitive, feeling too much pain for others and too much pain with every sideways glance people give me. I am too shy to meet others and therefore will never find a husband to love. I have pco so will never conceive anyway. I am a glutton and a sloth. I believe I am going to hell when I die because of these constant sins. Sins that I know are bad yet I do everyday.